Cat Lady Gone Crazy

I already posted today, but I wanted to add something. Tonight, things pretty much blew up at the house. I became so frustrated and upset that as soon as Jodi came home I bawled my eyes out and told her everything that's been going on. About how the kids haven't been listening and fight all the time and she freaked out and sent the kids to bed. I went for a walk and when I came back all the kids' toys were sitting in the hallway, and she's going through them and getting rid of a lot of them. Although I don't necessarily agree with the choices she makes in terms of disciplining her kids, I will admit that I have absolutely no skills in terms of disciplining. I can only imagine once I have my own kids what will happen when they act out. I'm not very good with being harsh and mean. I just get frustrated and cry.

But, when I went out for some air and walked around the neighborhood, I talked to my mom on the phone and vented everything which in itself felt good. And even with all this craziness and sad feelings, I know it's God's way of making me grow. When I was on my walk, I felt God with me. There were so many stars in the sky, bright and twinkling. I haven't seen stars in so long. And the weirdest thing was that there were three different cats that followed me around. Two were black and white, and the other was gray and white. I don't know where they came from, but all of a sudden I turned around and they were following me. So I stopped and petted them and they nuzzled and purred on me. We all know how much I love cats and miss my own, and they calm me down a lot. And here God placed three of them right at my feet and showed me that everything was going to be just fine.

Tonight has got my mind doing flips and turns, and somehow I can't help but feel the plan all along was to get closer to God. I've gotten so distant and rebellious towards my faith and my feelings, that I can't help but think that the reason I was brought out here was to get back in touch with him and with myself. Every rip can be patched back together, and even when I'm torn apart, I am still able to stand on my feet and march forward.

I had hoped that God would bring me out of the funk I've been in, and even though things have been tough, I've felt things more strongly and lively than I have in a very long time. And I am grateful. It's only up from here. Here's to growing and learning to love every day. Just take it one day at a time.